Saturday, December 31, 2011

December 31, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Today is New Year's Eve.....I wish you were here to celebrate it with me....I will be staying we always did.....I just wish you were here....It is so hard without you...Sometimes I get wrapped up in not knowing what to do.....

Dreamcatcher the kids got us for Christmas: Yours is the one with the eagle

I wish that there was a way I could just talk to you and see you.....I know you are here with me but it still is hard.....I love you forever....
Feather under the Christmas tree

The kids love it here and I know you are happy about that....They hated Globe so much and so do I...Our lives are forever changed but I pray that the Creator will allow me time here on Earth to get our daughter an adult....She needs me and I know that you want that too for her....
Erik's hike

Someday we will be together again for eternity....I will forever show you my love...
I am going to be on Beth's blog next Saturday....I am going to talk about my loss of you and my books along with Shae's book.....Beth is one in a million....
Erik's hike

Well my love I will go for now...I love you forever and that will never changed....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Friday, December 30, 2011

December 30, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Well its Friday and it is suppose to be 65 degrees today here in Payson.....I miss you and I know everything will be okay.....Days are always hard....I think of you first thing when I wake up and you are on my mind all day, and then you are the last thing I think of when I lie down to go to sleep....

You are the man of a lifetime...Nobody can ever fill your shoes...You were so loving and giving and tried to find the best in every situation......You had faith about everything and you were the most honest man I have ever known.....

You gave and gave and never questioned anything.....You are my soul mate my sweet babes...If only people really knew you....The love you showed to Shae, Erik, and myself is the type of love that is never heard of.....You gave your all and we love you dearly....

No matter what you always loved me and and I always loved you....Nothing or nobody could come in and take that from us....We stayed together through it all and we won......

I want you to know just how much I am proud of you.....You showed me a life of love and I   will always remember everything you taught me about people in general and know that nobody is like you.....Never will be.....

I love you my sweet babes forever....Please be with me and watch over me like you always did.....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Thursday, December 29, 2011

December 29,2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Yesterday was not such a good day....I know you already know that and I promise to you and the kids to be stronger.....I love you and the kids more than anything in the world....Sometimes I let things get to me....Bother me in way that I guess I shouldn't but sometimes I cannot help it....

I hear people laughing and talking to their spouse and I get angry....Not at them, not at you, just angry because I wish you were here...Does that make sense?

Sometimes I feel like I don' t know what to do next....This is the hardest thing in the world I have ever dealt with....I feel so empty and heartbroken.....The pain is always so bad....How does it get better with time?

Well the most important thing is I pray that you, Shae, and Erik know how much I love you guys and nothing will ever change that...I pray that everything gets better for us....The pain, the worry of everyday life, just everything works out for us....I know with you by our side it will....

I love you my babes and I love our kids.....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

December 28, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Just wanted to say hello and let you know you are on my mind....I miss you so very much.....I know that no matter how much I say this to you my words cannot describe the pain....

I spoke with my fellow author, Beth Trissel....She is such a dear friend to me....She has spoken with me and her words of comfort help me to much....I had to share that with you because I know you are thankful to her....I will be a guest on her blog in a couple of weeks and of course I will be talking about you and my books that you inspire me to write...

I wish I could go back in time just to see you again....To tell you just how much I love you and need you....I know that you know that but I would still like to say it to your loving face....

I know you are at peace and are okay...I feel you near me all the time no matter what I am doing...You make me strong and I am going to make you proud of me but you always told me that I was the love of your life and I know I am just as you are to me....

Well my babes I just needed to tell you that I love you and nothing will ever change that...I always believed in you and always will.....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

December 27, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Another beautiful day.....missing you the same....I wish you were here sharing Payson with me.....Everywhere I look I see you here....I miss you so very much.....
Erik's hike

The day will be the same for me.....Crying, missing you, loving you......It will always be that way for me....But I know you understand that.....
Shoofly Ruins

Erik's hike went good....He could not get to Water Wheel because of all the snow melt it flooded the area....but he did got to Shoofly Ruins.....Very sacred there..I will share some of his beautiful pictures.....

The kids love to talk about you so of course we do all the time...but I too love talking about you...especially the good times which we shared a lot of....

Also, I must share the gift the kids got for you for Christmas....It is a dream catcher with an eagle on it....they got me one with bears....The gifts are so special....I know you are smiling at them....
Our special gifts from our kids

I know you love us and always will just like you do us.....but I also know you understand our sadness and grieving.....It is so hard losing you and I know it will always be that way....

We miss and love with every breath we take but someday we will all reunited and live for eternity......
Our family... forever

We love you forever......

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Monday, December 26, 2011

December 26, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Well its the day after Christmas and I miss you even more...The kids loved their gifts but I am sure you know that.....There were times yesterday that I lost it....I could not control the tears...

Erik has gone hiking today...He went to Water Wheel campground.....He has a lot on his mind and needed to get away....But I will worry until he returns....

Shae is still in the bed.....She loved all her gifts...Which included some makeup, clothes, gothic of course.....She is growing into a beautiful young woman....

I know the emptiness that I feel will always be.....I took Erik to a certain drop off point this morning for his hiking trip...It brought back memories of you.....The certain places we use to go to still stand.....I felt you all around...I miss you so very much....

Please keep me strong and going....I have to know you are here....My heart breaks with every moment.....You were and always will be the best husband and friend a person could have....Not to mention the best dad in the world....You loved Shae, Erik, and myself unconditionally as we did and always will you...

Know you are the love of my life and I wish I could hold you right now...Just to whisper...."I love you and you are the most precious thing in the world to me."  But I know you know that.....

Oh I forgot to mention that my publisher requested for me to write some more short stories to go with the one I submitted to her about the Apache Maiden and she was going to turn it into an anthology....I know you are smiling....

Love you with all our hearts.....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, and Erik

Sunday, December 25, 2011

December 25, 2011: Christmas Day

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Merry Christmas in heaven my babes...We miss you in the physical form and we love you more than anything in the world...But we know you are here with us....

Our precious family

This morning I know the kids are going to have a hard time just like I am so here is some poems that came to me and I know they are from you my sweet Tommy....A message for the kids.. I am sharing it here today for them to read and know you love them and miss them as much as we miss you....
Shaelee: Daddy's little girl

To Shaelee from Dad: Christmas 2011

Daddy's girl Shae,
 I knew it from the moment you were born
 How thankful I was to be blessed with such a special gift
 Remember all the good times
 no matter how painful it may seem
 But know you are always daddy's special gift
 When you feel down 
 Just whisper to your dad
 Because I am always by your side
 trying to lift your hand
 I'm never far away 
 Never must you fret
 because when the Creator gave me you 
 I knew I had truly been blessed
 You are daddy's little girl
 And I love you so much
 I treasured all the moments that we shared
 that time can never touch
 But please know I love daddy's "boo"
 and you are a treasure sealed in my heart
 So, daddy's little girl
 never feel alone
 Cause I am never far from your heart
 No matter how you feel
 Always remember I love you
 And you will always be daddy's little girl
 Never forget you are dad's daughter and 
 I love you with all my heart

Your dad....
Shaelee and her dad when she was nearly 1

Shaelee and her dad

To Erik from Dad: Christmas 2011

My son, Erik,

 I feel the pain in your heart
 Dwelling everyday 
 Know I am just a whisper away
 Never far from your heart
 If you ever need me
 Just say the word 
 Please be strong and I know you can be
 To help watch over your mother and sister
 They need you now more than ever
  But I have faith in you to carry on for me
  I am proud of you please remember that
  Never forget you are dad's son and I love you 
  with all my heart

Your dad...
Erik and his dad

Now I must share with the kids the message from dad to me...

Tommy and me forever

Christmas 2011

My dear Linda,

 Our love will always be
 remember me with the breeze
 when you feel down
 know I feel it too
 Our love was like no other
 A special bond 
 That no other can shudder
 When you need me 
 Just whisper my name
 I stand around feeling your pain
 and oh my babes its so hard
 I miss you too
 but we are never apart
 I know you want me there with you
 and know I wanted the same
 but my shell could not sustain me no longer
 So now I am in heaven, free from pain
 Please remember the Creator knows best
 Please know I love you and I am just a whisper away
 We will be a family for eternity....someday
  I love you forever, my Linda

your forever husband...Tommy

My precious Tommy

Now I feel I had to share what came to me.....It is a very special message for us as a family...

I would like to say Happy birthday to the Creator.....and Merry Christmas to all

This is Feather....She was Tommy's pride and joy...They were the best of friends...she misses him too..
Our cat Feather: Tommy adored her
I would also like to share a message from Tommy to his mom....

I love you always....Everything is fine.....I am with dad but missing you all....Your son Tommy....

Tommy's mom, Frieda

Tommy, I love you more than anything in the world...You are the best man I have ever known and that will never change....You are my husband forever...Nothing will change that... You are the love of my life......
Merry Christmas to all

Your loving wife and kids,
Linda, Shae, & Erik

Saturday, December 24, 2011

December 24, 2011

To my dearest sweet Tommy,

It is Christmas Eve.....Going to be a long day....We are missing you more than anything in the world....We know you are here with us........

It will never get any easier.....The hurt is so overbearing at times...You are present in everything we do....We feel you all around us.....We feel your warm presence and it blesses us so deeply...

Shae is excited about opening a present tonight....You know how she is....Loves presents just like me....You always laughed at me about how I always wanted presents......

We know you will be here and you will smile as the presents are opened....You have a present under the tree that the kids are so excited about.....They said they were at Wal-Mart and there was two gifts they were torn between about getting you and suddenly a light shown on one of them so that is the one they got.....I know whatever it is you will be so proud......

Well babes we love you so very much.....and always will....

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

Friday, December 23, 2011

December 23, 2011

My dearest sweet Tommy,

Another morning that I miss you..I know it never changes does it......I cannot help the way I feel....I love you so much its unreal....Words cannot explain the feeling in my heart.....Its so hard to know how to express how I feel.....

Tonight I am going to be on a radio station in Canada....Reading excerpts from "Journey to Christmas Creek"  It is going to be very special....The story you loved so now in book form and dedicated to the man who loved it the my dear sweet husband...

I will always and forever love are my man for eternity.....Some people cannot understand that kind of love but its true......

I took the video that your dad took when I gave birth to Shae ......It was on VHS so I am having it turned into CD......You are in the nursery at the hospital holding her.....I pick it up today and it will be played during Christmas....

Memories of our love will never fade....You are the love of my life....You always have been......Always will be.....I love you my husband...Forever....

Your wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik