December 6, 2011

My dear sweet Tommy,

Its a cool morning....21 degrees.....Went to the Writers meeting last night....I loved it....All the people are so nice ....They were all consumed from me being published.....

It gets closer to Christmas everyday....I hope its a great day for the kids....I pray they are not as sad as it was on Thanksgiving....I will do everything in my power to make it a happy day....It will be hard but I know with your spirit here with us it will be okay........

Yesterday I went and put gas in the car....It was on Hwy 260 and across the road I seen the place that I meet you at one day while you were working at Payson Ice back in 2000....It brought back great memories but I cried because it was as if it was yesterday......You just wanted to see me that day so you had me to come by....You had stopped to get you guys something to eat...It was a long day for you and Mike at work....You gave me a kiss and told me you loved me.....Said you would be home as soon as you could.....I love the memories of you but I do cry because I long for you so much.....

Well today is a Writers Workshop at the Majestic Mountain Inn and I am attending it.....Its on Memoir Writing....I am sure it will be fun....

Please remember....We love and miss you....Words can never explain......

Your wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

December 2, 2011

Tommy,

My love....good morning...It is cool here this morning but no snow......I have longed to see your face and smile....to feel your hands upon my skin.....I will always want to see, hear, and feel you......Time will never erase that......

Sometimes I feel so alone.....I know I have the kids but I want and need you......We miss you so much.......It is hard to explain the feelings I have in my heart.....I cannot explain the emptiness of it all.....I will just go day by day but still I need you......Words can never touch my feelings.....

I feel as if time has stood still and all of this is just a nightmare.....I think that I will wake up to see you again.....My heart is crushed when I see that it is real.....I try so hard to be strong for the kids but sometimes I cannot hold the pain.....

I pray the kids understand what a loss I suffer....I know they suffer too and I am there for them........My dearest Tommy.....Please just always be with us.......Wait on us to join you when it is our time......

We love you more than anything......

Your wife and kids,
Melinda, Shaelee, & Erik

November 25, 2011

I pray Tommy that today is better than yesterday......It was very sad and emotional all day.....It was very empty without you here.....One of the hardest days I had to go through.......You are so missed I cannot explain it.....

I sat a plate out for you and kept looking over wishing I would see you there.....The grief is so overwhelming......

The kids had a bad day too......It was so upsetting.....the whole day seemed so empty......I wish there was something I could do to change the way it is.....

I pray to the Creator God to come and relieve some of the pain....I know he can help us to be able to grip the pain that we feel....It is so hard and I know it will never change but we will find a way to deal with it......

Tommy I need you more than ever......but of course you know that.....Please stay by our sides all the time.....Help us to grow and deal with this pain that we all feel....I cannot explain the pain it is so deep.......
I know you know what I am saying......I know you will help us to find a way....

Love you with all of my heart....so do the kids......

Our Sunset

Your loving wife and kids,
Melinda, Shae, & Erik

November 11, 2011

Today is Veteran's Day and I would like to say thank you to all the service men and women from my family to yours thank you......My husband's dad, Archie served in the Air Force and my precious husband and our family would have honored him today and all the other service men and women.....Now my Tommy is in heaven with his dad....

The holidays are approaching fast and the pain is only deepening......I dreamed of you last night my babes.....In the dream it was so real....You were sleeping and I shook you and you woke up and stared at me saying, 'Its okay"......I looked deep into your eyes as if searching for a message........I think you are telling me that its okay about what happened and to be strong and you are waiting for me........

The dream was so real.....It was as if you were here.........That this was all a nightmare........When I woke I was devastated to see that no it was not real.....you are not here and that was a dream and I strongly believe that you are telling me you are okay, everything will be okay, and that we will reunite and be a family again......

I must say it was so good to see your face and your deep provoking eyes settling in on me.....It was just as if you were telling me with your eyes that you love me and you were okay.....I love you with all my heart babes....You are in my heart, soul, and spirit.......

Here is a picture we took when we first got married....we wanted the world to know just how much we loved each other....I will wear my wedding band forever and I wear my precious husband's proudly on my necklace.....We are still married and that will never change....

Your loving wife and kids,

Melinda, Shae, & Erik

October 27, 2011

There are no words to explain the way we are all feeling....We try to stay strong for one another...It is so hard to live without you.....I pray for all who have lost a spouse or child....It has to be the hardest thing ever to deal with...

Our sunset

I have learned in this process you go from crying to anger then back to crying....Everywhere you look your reminded of something from your loved one...

I know Tommy is in a beautiful place with no pain but I still miss him dearly...There is not a day that does not go by that he is not in the forefront of what I am doing...I try and focus on the good times but somehow the day we lost him is so vivid and compelling that it is also feeling my mind....

Sunset for Tommy

I would like to tell you just how great a man he was....He protected me from the world...If people tried to upset me he would take me under his arms and hug me and say, "Don't let others misery cloud your judgment. The reason they attack you is because they have a sad life and nobody really cares about them." Then he was there in guidance of our son...He would try and talk to him but you know teenagers they know it all. But now our son realizes that his dad was right and was only trying to help him to see the real world..When our daughter was born my wonderful Tommy decided that nobody was good enough to watch her....So he quit his job and took care of her...He done a remarkable job like no dad I have ever seen....He was with her all the 13 years....He explained everything to her and always was honest about the way the world is....
He told me that "I love you Linda more than life itself...I have never experience love until I met you.... You are my world and I will love you always and forever and nothing will ever change that...He proved it over and over every day....I love and miss my husband and words cannot explain the feeling in my heart....

Sunset for our love 

We miss him terribly and we do not know what to do.....Everything is centered around our loss....He is in our mind every minute of everyday...Always will be...We love you Tommy....

Linda, Shae, & Erik